The Banana Bunch Burglary
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: King K. Rool's after another sacred relic


"Do you see this magnificent object with your own holy eyes?" asked Donkey Kong as he cradled the banana bunch in his beefy biceps.

Diddy cried tears of joy as he witnessed the existence of such a sacred relic. "DK, what shall we do with this brilliant item?"

"We must guard it with our lives, Little Buddie!" said DK and he quickly made a nest.

Diddy swung through the jungle on some vines. He searched around for more twigs and branches for DK's nest.

Dixie arrived and was very curious as to why Diddy was acting so very impetuous. "Hey, Dids, are you okay? You seem a bit scatterbrained."

"I'm swell, Dixie," said Diddy with a face of glee. "DK has procured a grand banana bunch and we wish to worship it in the highest code of honour."

Dixie was taken aback by how elegant Diddy's words were. She too decided to dedicate herself wholly to the cause.

"What's this rubbish about banana bunches?" Cranky grumbled as he paced through his cabin.

"It's a most righteous tribute, dude," said Funky as he flexed bodaciously across the room.

"And DK is preparing a shrine for its excellency!" added Candy.

"Then who is going to protect the Crystal Coconut?" seethed Cranky. He then tripped and broke his leg.

Diddy swooped in and took of Cranky's broken leg. "A worthy tribute to our beloved…" he cooed. He then jumped out the window and bounded back to the nest.

"Criminy!" cried Cranky. "What is coming to this world. The youth are all a bunch of knuckleheads!"

Meanwhile, at King K. Rool's lair…

"King K. Rool, Sir!" shouted Klump. "On our latest reconnaissance mission, Krusha and I have received intel that the Kongs are congregating to celebrate some sort of banana cluster."

"What a bizarre event to have transpired today…" said K. Rool as he danced around the room like a total freak of nature. "This must be some sort of ritual on the Kong's behalf. We must cease this atrocity!"

King K. Rool, Klump, and Krusha then put on some hip-hop getups and paraded around the room while crazy music blasted in the background.

"_Yo, listen here and listen good!_

_Those Kongs must be crazy in the neighbourhood._

_We gotta get 'em to stop this madness._

_And deliver some of my signature badness."_

"_What ya gon' do King K. Rool?"_

"_I'm gonna challenge those ape to a deadlier duel!_

_Gonna get that nana, if it's the last thing I do._

_Gonna swipe the Coconut in the meantime too._

_Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause trouble. Gonna cause troubleeeee… Yeah, baby!"_

Meanwhile, DK had finished the nest and he clucked at the sight of his accomplishments.

"Great job, Donkey Dude!" said Funky proudly as he stirred the cauldron with Cranky's leg. Candy came over and took a sip of the mysterious brew. She then keeled over and died.

"Bruh," said Funky.

Diddy arrived from the dry cleaners with a set of saintly robes. "The ritual shall commence, brethren," said Diddy as he dropped some power into Funky's brew. Dixie fed the new brew to Candy and she was revived.

"Good, we are all here," said Bluster as he entered the nest with a stack of calendars from 1998 signed by President Lyndon B. Johnson and Dino Spumoni.

"I'll give you to the count of ten, you rascals!" roared Cranky as he approached the nest, limping due to leg loss.

"Gee whiz, Cranky!" said DK stupidly as always.

"Cranky, please bless us with your hushed voice! The holy ritual is underway!" said Diddy. He then fed Cranky some of the brew. It tasted like orange soda mixed with heaven.

"What now, dude?" asked Funky as he chilled on his surfboard, riding the waves with his epic surfing prowess. He was totes gnarly to the max.

King K. Rool was in the bushes with Klump and Krusha. "I can see those odiferous simians conversing over some petty nonsense!" said the lordly salamander. "Let us SEIZE the banana!"

Klump and Krusha saluted and then ran over to the banana and performed unlawful seizure.

"Holy buttz!" cried DK. "They stole the banana bunch! We gotta kill 'em!"

Diddy then took out a chainsaw and sliced off Klump and Krusha's evil spirits.

"Wowie!" said Klump. "I feel relieved of all evil!"

"That is because I have done thee a righteous favour. Now bow to the banana," said Diddy. Klump and Krusha obeyed and then Krusha dropped some coins into the brew.

"Thusly, the brew has been completed, dude," said Funky. He then drank of the entire cauldron and became…

HEROBRINE!

"Oh, deary me!" cried K. Rool. "This… is an outrage!" he acted really dramatic and fell over everything like a total bogus lunatic.

DK saw K. Rool acting like an irresponsible pleb and charged forward with the weight of the universe on his shoulders. "BANANA…"

"Uh-oh!"

"SLAMMA!"

_POW!_

King K. Rool was totally obliterated into nano-particles. Klump and Krusha inhaled the microscopic remains into their reptilian systems. They then laid one egg each. The first egg hatched and out came K. Rool's top half. The second egg hatched and his bottom half emerged. The two halves reunited and, like glorious otherworldly magic, the foul lizard king was reborn.

"Who am I?" asked K. Rool.

"You are K. Rool, and you are one of us now," said Diddy as he grew a second pair of arms, allowing him to play Portal 2 co-op with relative ease. It made crushing rocks seem such a breeze.

"Am I… a legend?" asked K. Rool.

"Aye," said Herobrine of the Funk. "Now go and prosper…"

Ergo, K. Rool rejoined nature and all of its glory. He became a deity after several months of training under Lord Woo Fak Fak and was well-known as "The Chosen of Banana".

"Where is he now, DK?" asked Diddy, lounging on the roof, sipping his quinoa-flavoured seltzer.

"He's in a better place, Little Buddie," replied DK with the smile of a thousand radiant angels. "He is doing his best to restore all of Kongo Bongo to its heyday."

Diddy wept tears of joy and then tore his nose off. He handed it to Bluster for safe keeping.

"Thank you, Diddy," said Bluster. "But I must ask why?"

Diddy grinned from his third ear to his eleventh ear. "Because of holiness, brother."

Herobrine of the Funk looked down from his cloud haven. "Such a righteous dude…" he said as he flew off to the Coconut Canyons of yore.

**FIN**


End file.
